準備できた。preparations complete
I was all dressed up, all gear in place, mentally prepared for the onslaught.
I doubled checked supplies. Water. Extra supplies. Emergency rations. Money to spend on oolong tea in case I was shot down over enemy territory.
Everything was cleared for departure. I was as ready as time allowed.
I doubled checked my pack, and my books.
Then I checked my itenary.
Whoops.
The exam is tomorrow.
And I almost left home.
And it wasn't the first time I did it either.
Two years earlier I also went for an exam.
Two hours late.
I had thought that the exam would start at 3:30 as opposed to 12:30. Luckily the teacher and I were rather chummy, and so she let me take the exam immediately in her office anyway.
I swore, rather dramatically, that it wouldn't happen again. And while technically it didn't happen, it was a rather close call.
Stress does that to you, I suppose.
the girl on the train
It was filled with suit clad warriors - some in black, some in grey, with an occasional unique choice of necktie.
But they all looked the same: tired, wrung out, used. For them, everyday was repetitive, seemingly devoid of purpose.
It was 7:00 in the evening. The trains were packed. As usual.
People avoided each other's eyes, busying themselves with their mobile phones, checking the latest news, playing a short game or sending bursts of e-mail to people who would care.
The voice over the intercom announced the doors would shut. People listened with uncaring delight as the doors quickly hissed closed, before the train pulled its weary load from Osaka station.
Next stop, the conductor said, was Shin-Osaka. It was the same, polite but emotionless voice of a person who had long lost enthusiasm for what he was saying.
The train moved, taking the people past the tracks and sights of old. Even the Hep Five Ferris wheel, which often would glow in encouragement, was unusually dark.
Suddenly a giggle rang out in the coffin-like silence. People turned around to look. In one corner a girl stood on her seat, looking out excitedly into the illuminated concrete expanse of the city.
She saw her own clear reflection in the window, mixed with the blur of buildings that passed her by. She giggled, finding it funny that her face seemed to be a part of the buildings.
The girl made a few faces, watching them blend into the background. She giggled with absolute delight, and turned around to face her mother.
"Look look!" she enthused, "it looks like I'm a big giant looking at those buildings!"
Her mom smiled kindly at her daughter, stroking her hair, "really? The people inside must be scared then!"
The girls squealed with delight, as she turned back to make faces at the nameless inhabitants of those buildings.
A warm glow seemed to surround the girl, illuminating the dark mood inside the train. People turned around to watch this simplest of pleasures, the most refreshing of enjoyments.
Some put down their mobiles. Others even smiled.
The light seemed to spread throughout the whole train: the purist of hearts softening even the most hardened of men, as people watched the playfulness of this unknown little girl.
The train softly pulled into Shin-Osaka station, and the doors glided open.
The girl saw the signs, giggling and turning to her mom: "We're here, we're here! Let's goooo!"
Her mom nodded, taking her hand in one and politely pushing her way through the thick crowd, before exiting the train.
She was gone.
But the smiles were still there.
And those who basked in her glow felt light, airy - something had changed in them. Some were reminded of whom they were, others of what they really sought after.
Even as they turned back to their mobiles, they kept smiling, reminding themselves that they should really remember and pull out the 6 year olds inside them back out to play every now and then.
And that was something they remembered - even as the train pulled into the dark, predictable night.
handai visitors
We had some people from Handai's BSP come stop over for a day in Bangkok today, so I met up with them!
Nicola was here too, and it was soooo strange to be seeing her out of her usual environment. She is definately Osaka-jin, given her tendency to bargain at the night bazzar we all went to...
I ended up acting as a translator and bargainer - kept cutting the prices of goods down for these guys! I'm glad I still have my Japanese with and about me - haha, able to communicate in different languages in one go makes you feel sooooo good!
gothic lolita
She was perfect.
Her dress was completely black. Frills and lace covered the rims of her sleeves and skirt, with long, flowing ribbons attached onto the arms.
Her shoes were tall and high healed - perfectly black, with matching black socks. Unlike others like her, her dress was long, wrapping itself tightly around her tall, slender body.
Her collar was equally elaborate - with expensive black lace carefully sewn into place by her own, delicate hands along with the centrepiece accessory: a small, elegantly designed, silver plated cross - displayed outside around her soft neck.
Her long, flowing black hair was tied was meticulously tied into place using a large, black ribbon. Not a single hair dared to come out of place, lest the perfection be ruined.
She had worn no makeup, for she did not need it: her pale face was perfectly symmetrical, her eyes perfectly shaped.
And there she sat, neither smiling nor frowning: motionless and expressionless, like the dolls of old. She was a mix of extremes: between the pure and innocent, and the dark and disillusioned.
She had loved life: she still did. She loved to go out to learn and see everything life had to offer.
But she had seen too much.
Things which had once caused her immense sadness, she had learned to destroy with her black dress. But things which had given her immense joy had also been sucked in - and like black and white they cancelled out.
She sat still there, only nodding as the odd person came to ask for a photograph. In all this, she felt, she knew she was very beautiful - her black character bringing out the best in her. She felt strong. She felt confident. And even if it didn't show on her face, it was there buried deep inside her.
And she had learned to love everything life had to offer: even death. There was always a circle, a beginning, a middle and an end. Death was only a natural part of life - and she completely accepted it.
The sun began to set. People began to disappear. She gave out a faint smile.
It was time for her to return to the imaginary world, where people worked from nine to five, where little heed is paid to creative minds. Time to leave the real world she had discovered. For now.
This was life, she thought, as one more curious tourist asked for a photo. Perfection, once discovered, is difficult to obtain, and even more difficult to maintain.
She elegantly untied the ribbon on her hair and allowed the wind to blow each strand into a flowing wave behind her.
Time to go home.
She got up, tucking an offending hair back behind her ears.
And disappeared into the mindless crowd.
osaka, goodbye.
Haruka was her name - the one that took me down memory lane one last time.
She smiled - welcome, she seemed to say, I'll let you see the things you love and care about, just as a parting gift.
Even before stepping into the sleek, carefully designed train, familiar sounds were heard. Announcements of trains to Kyoto, announcements asking you to stand behind the yellow line.
As the cars slowly pulled away from the platform, she took us on a ride zooming past things we took for granted. In the distance, the looming shape of Yodobashi Camera bid us goodbye. Umeda Sky building stood as it just did, proud and dignified among all the chaos Osaka is known for. Osaka station, the Hankyu building watched us pull away. Naught a tear was shed, as it was a sight all too common for them: millions of people came and left them everyday.
The familiar names of loop line stations were a blur as she took us quickly past them - Fukushima, Bentencho, Shin-imamiya. A quick glimpse at the pleasures of Nihonbashi, a laugh at Festival Gate. Haruka blew her whistle to say "hi" to Tsutenkaku, as solemn as usual - his age furrowed with experience - as he gave an understanding, but firm farewell.
Even at Tennoji, an area which has stood the test of time, we are reminded of the things we had done, and had not done, before Haruka gently pulled us away into the quiet unknowns of the south.
The sun came out in full glory as we crossed the bridge over the water onto the island that is called KIX, illuminating the water with bright, golden glitters. It seemed as if Haruka giggled, loving the light touch of the sun's rays on her smooth, white skin.
Once we stepped off Haruka, the journey ended. She stood there, giving an encouraging smile - for this would not be the last time, she said, and she would see us again.
The things she had shown me were all things I had taken for granted, things that were a part of my life - yet would become foreign in just an hour.
I smiled and bowed, thanking her - I will be back, no, I swear I'll be back, I said, holding back tears of gratitude.
I walked away.
One final thought. One final reminder. One final whisper of thanks.
Osaka, goodbye.
darker attitudes...
From my last post, one of my close friends commented that I had seem to have had developed a "darker attitude" since I had gone to Japan. It was not
Some points of evidence:
a) me using the very samurai-istic phrase "death before dishonour" at one point in my MSN nickname
b) my liking of tragic movies, and of Banana Yoshimoto's books
c) all the contents of the previous blog entry.
Do I feel I've developed a darker attitude? Yes. I wouldn't deny it.
The question of course is, why?
Before even moving into the Japanese sub-cultures, I feel that mainstream culture already has a rather dark underlying fabric. For example, tragic heros are a favourite among Japanese tales.
One of the most loved legends in Japan is the story of Minamoto Yoshitsune and Saito Musashibo Benkei. In a famous battle over Kyoto's Gojo bridge (which still exists in concrete form today), Yoshitsune defeated Benkei, leading the former to declare his loyalty to Yoshitsune.
The legend goes that Benkei protected his master to the end, taking in 1000 arrows to prevent enemies from entering Yoshitsune's room. Yoshitsune also chose seppuku as opposed to capture.
While there is also an alternate ending to this story, where the pair escape to Mongolia or China, the most popular version is this one. Even though it may not be in practice, the concepts of loyalty and self-sacrifice are still well and alive and a part of the Japanese psyche.
One reason which explains the darker attitude.
tragic endings
Being in Japan, I started to develop an unusual liking.
I like sad, tragic endings.
While I know for most (except for you Xia) a tragic ending is itself, trageic, for some reason I have started to see another side of it:
Death can be immensely beautiful.
Too often does the hero succeed in overcoming impossible odds: his or her death is a way of bringing us back down to earth, to remind us that even the most lucky and capable people are human.
While survival brings conclusion to a story, death always brings the true questions of life out: what will the other characters do afterwards? Will they survive their emotional turmoil? Will it generate a hatred so great it will lead to revenge?
In many cases, death even helps move the story along. We also tend to not forget a story where main characters die - they tend to linger in our minds weeks after we have finished it.
And death does not mean there is an unhappy ending - in many cases the death of a character will help others to become stronger, and move on. It helps them to discover themselves and the realities presented. Although it is sad, it also somehow brings a bittersweet pleasure.
But most importantly, there is a mysterious side towards death. Especially with titles like 月姫, where the Arcueid enters a 'eternal sleep' - is she truly dead? What about まほろ (Mahoro) from まほろまちぃく (Mahoromatic) - does being an 'android' make her any less human? Does she therefore die?
Death. There's always a flipside to things.
"i want an asian boyfriend"
I have been told through a reliable source, that a certain cosplayer in the US thinks I am supposively "hot". The same reliable source also tells me that I would probably be ambushed by a dedicated legion of Fangirls in the event I ever went to an American anime-con, thanks to the images of Asian men these girls have from Anime. Especially if dressed up as Gothic Lolita.
How times change.
It is a well known fact that there are many lonely, usually white males, ranging from the young and desperate to the old and desperate whom come to Asian countries to find an Asian girlfriend. While the opposite - white women looking to date Asian men - used to be a laughable minority, the numbers are growing.
The question that begs is whether or not it’s for the better.
With white men coming to find an Asian girlfriend, they more often than not carry stereotypical expectations of Asian women: beautiful, exotic, obedient. A potential problem is that it may work the other way – that white women may carry anime influenced expectations of Asian men: an obvious problem.
Can such women be accused of “Asian fetish?” Will there be industries springing up: Asian massage parlours, dating services, and other such vices aimed at women that some white men seem so keen on?
No way. Women are more inclined to emphasize the emotional nature of the relationship rather than the physical – instead of focusing on pure lust and sex, these women will probably get to know and understand their new boyfriends.
Unlike their male counterparts, such women are in a much better position to ensure a deep and meaningful relationship.
While the early movers may find their dreams of Asian men shattered, it will only serve to provide more realistic expectations for the next generation of interested women. In a sense, trial-and-error helps to make such relationships work while also adding the benefit of in depth exposure of Asian culture in America.
mr. kim, schoolgirls and udon
Look familar?
That's Dong Seok, whom we all know as Mr. Kim, sitting in front of a bowl of tenpura udon smiling up at the camera.
I arranged to meet up with Kim on a Friday evening after work at SATY/MyCal Ibaraki, about 4 km from the boys' dorm. We were both ravished from a day's of hard mental 阪大 labour - which meant that a good meal was a Good Idea.
We went to the SATY side, where they had a smaller, but quiet food court which offered free cups of water with the dispenser nearby. There were a few people scattered around, with a couple of high school couples sitting right beside us. I had a burger (need my American-Japanised food every once in a while), while Mr. Kim went to spend 750 yen on that huge (and I really mean HUGE - the photo doesn't do it justice) bowl of udon.
Besides being 多いすぎる (too much), it was also completely, totally and utterly まずい.
It was amuzing to see Kim struggling with his food.
By which time we had attracted the attention of the two high school couples that I mentioned earlier. They started looking towards us, attracted by the sight of two strange English speaking guys, with one staring disappointly, but with a smile, at his dinner.
So we put on a slight comedy for them.
Karn, there's too much here for me to finish, he told me, give me a hand here...
At which point I shoot back: ”お前は男だ！”
I look at the two couples and give them the "I'm absolutely bewildered as I can't believe this guy can't finish this bowl on his own!" look.
And they laughed.
At which point we just started talking, just to test out how good our Japanese really was.
Later, on the way back, Kim remarked to me "that was the first time you spoke to school girls right?"
Hm. True.
Maybe that was the funniest of all.
spoiled by keitai
There's a problem with being in Japan for so long.
You get spoiled.
Japan has the latest in technology, and especially in the field of keitai (mobile phones), you simply can't beat it. Even the so called 'free' or 1 yen keitai are amazing by world standards (which would set you back at least 30,000 yen in foreign countries), and the ones you actually have to pay for are like bastons of Japanese technological prowress.
It is honestly amazing how different the technologies are in terms of pricing. Even the best phones in Japan usually don't go past the 20,000 yen mark.
Which is why I'm feeling so stupid having paid 20,000 yen for a Nokia 6101, a flip phone which would make any Japanese keitai user laugh.
*breaks down and cry*
Karn misses his keitai...
And this keitai thing...simply another incentive to get back to Japan as soon as possible.
And by the way, some higher-end Vodaphone models can be modified to be used in foreign countries, as long as they use a slot in chip.
Just in case you wanted to know. ^_^
aichi world expo - ara ara...
Aichi.
The World Expo.
The first world expo in Japan since the 1970 one in Suita, Osaka.
やれやれ...
It felt like Disneyland: the crowds, the heat, the prices. What it was missing was the rides, the spirit and just about everything else you would associate with the Magical Kingdom.
We didn't even think of going to the main pavillions, namely Toyota, JR and all the other obviously crowded ones - that would involve waiting in line for around 2 hours for a ticket, which would've given us the right to come back later and line up again just to get in. So that was out of the question - we only had 8 hours after all.
So the only compromise was to see the things with short lines: namely the country pavillions. I was expecting each country to showcase the latest technology and developments from their country - it IS the World Expo afterall.
We ended up with displays like "I love my country" or "my country has lots of coconuts".
So. We went to get in a 15 minute line to see the mammoth, which was supposively excavated virtually intact.
And we see a head and a foot. Behind thick, dark, unphotographable glass walls. For around 30 seconds.
Didn't someone promote how they found
the whole thing?Well, at least I brought along my PSP loaded up with the latest episodes of ツバサ.
but what I really thought...One place: the pool.
At around 1, with the sun totally burning us into baked potatoes, we ran into water. Lots of water.
In fact, it almost looked like a water amusement park if the actual pools of water had been deeper. But it had it all - umbrellas with water falling from them, water toys, cascades, water fountains spraying huge quantities of water at you. And of course, lots of screaming kids.
We were hot. Thirsty. And hungry. So Crystal decided to go in.
I guess in a fit of insanity I decided to follow as well and only one word describes the swell of sensations that followed:
きもち～い！
And it was incredibly fun, even with all our clothes on. It was pretty much the point though as it kept us cool for the next 30 minutes or so - except for Crystal who was wearing jean shorts - she had a hard time drying them out ^_^
We visted Satsuki and Mei's house - even from a distance, which was pretty cool.
And I never seen Crystal laugh as loud as she did while we were in the American pavillion. There was a movie like thing featuring Ben Franklin talking about how amazed he is about the "developments of the modern world" and how "he wished he were here to see it." At one point there were cartoon images of how nanotechnology would go about, cleaning the water - and afterward "farting" out harmless waste.
It was amuzing for me just to see how many people turned their heads to find out the source of this immense bellowing of laughter. I mean in Japan, even when something is funny, displays of emotion tend to be discreet rather than kaboom loud. It's something I'd probably not do myself, but to see someone else enjoying, and the reaction from the rest of the audience was certainly entertaining indeed. ^_^
I also spent till 1 the previous night making the two bento that we had that afternoon.
So that was the highlights of the Expo trip. Was it worth the money? Nope. Was it fun? Hell yes! But when you have good company, most things can be fun. :p
japan is late!
I found this on the internet a few weeks back. Totally cracked me up, especially since it looks authentic:
For those of you who can't read Japanese (and I know all of you who read my blog can), it says "Japan is already late". A rarity.
i almost pulled a "rose"
Before I even start my usual dose of sarcastic commentry, let me explain to you what a "Rose" is. I'm not talking about the flower, but the person.
You know who you are ; )
A good friend of mine left about 2 weeks before I left Osaka, and she did not pack in advance. Well, three nights in advance if that counts. But to cut a long story short, even with her Uncle's help she was unable to complete packing all her anime, manga and immense wealth of Conan merchandise by the day of her flight. So she missed her flight.
I mean it was fine for her - she had the cash to pay the addition $150 to take the next flight, which included a one-day stopover in Hawaii, but the moral of the story was that packing takes a long time, requires advanced planning and is certainly not for the faint of heart.
Lessons, like my bicyling incidents, I did not take to heart.
So let's analyze what I consider can be called "Pulling off a Rose."
a) Have to be packing to the last minute
b) Have to have more than can fit in suit cases
c) Having to ship stuff at last minute
d) Having overweight baggage
e) Missing one's flight.
Did I pull off a Rose after all?Now mind you, I actually shipped two boxes the day moving day rolled around. I was fully confident that I had only one more box to ship, and that would be via Japan post, since it would be cheaper.
But of course, that didn't happen.
What did happen was this:
1) After leaving the Kansai dorm at 1:15 am (having spent the last 4 hours talking non-stop with Crystal) I walked back - I left her my bicycle...which I hope she learns to ride soon! But I packed. And didn't finish packing even after flopping down to bed at 4 in the morning.
2) Woke up at 9:00, thanks to the stupid dorm lady who doesn't understand the meaning of privacy. Continue packing, then realise that I am never getting everything in my suitcases.
3) Panic. Go to post office to buy boxes, and ship a box filled with stuff off.
4) Continue packing. Realise again that I will never fit everything in suitcase. Panic again, go to post office again to go and get more boxes to ship stuff.
5) Continue packing. Realise my suitcases are bloody heavy and will go overweight.
6) Go to post office again, by which time they figure out my plight and take their sweet time providing service.
7) End up with a backpack filled with stuff (even heavier than the pack I brought up to Mount Fuji), a small suitcase filled with foodstuffs, my main suitcase, a bag containing my katana, shianai and walking stick from Mount Fuji.
8) Realise I'm late to the airport, so I grab a taxi to Shin-Osaka, before rushing to take the Haruka (the JR airport express).
9) Have a hard time dragging all that luggage through Shin-Osaka
10) Reach airport, try to check in. Peeps don't like my luggage going overweight and want to charge me 75,000 yen for excess luggage. Hell no.
11) Clear luggage of stuff and ship small suitcase, along with excess stuff via post before checking in.
12) Make it to the plane as the last person to board.
final analysisWell....I did fufill practically every possible clause except for missing my flight. I guess although I didn't exactly pull off a Rose, I got pretty close to it.
I could say I pulled off a Karn.
^_^
help! it's the public cosplayers in osaka!
Cosplay day. Almost didn't happen.
We were supposed to go to Comic Communication over at Port Town for a huge cosplay convention (I had gone to the one the previous year and it was just amazing, given the size). Unfortunately, several things hindered our plans:
1) Both me and Crystal don't like to wake up early
2) That morning I had to rush to Kobe on the Shinkaisoku to teach a 30 minute lesson, then rush all the way back (after stopping by the Hankyu to put get a stamp for the Fullmetal Alchemist stamp rally) to Osaka. (who could resist getting paid 3,500 yen for the trip?)
3) The stupid event ends at 3:00
Sooooo.....needless to say by the time we met it was already 1-ish. There was also a photo shoot called Virgin Cos over down at Suminoe-Koen, but I thought it ended at 3 as well (It actually finished at 6). So what did we do?
We did a public cosplay.
Well, I could say that I was
dragged to do a public cosplay, but in all reality I was kinda keen on doing it as well. It would certainly be different, we would be unique, it would be fun, and Crystal would have no problems doing it. Actually, without Crystal I would've never done it - her bounciness is like a source of courage almost.
We changed at Hep Five and from there just walked all the way, me as Fay and Crystal as Shaoran (movie costumes) to Mandrake, where we shopped...but there were no plushies! Next we went to the Pokemon Center, where Crystal tried to attack me with puppet Mews and Pikachus, and we tried to compare the Japanese and English Pokemon names together.
After that we just sat outside the Pokemon Center, and talked. And talked. And talked. Four hours worth of it (yes Crystal, it was four, not three as you wrote :p ). The last time I did that with someone was back in Hong Kong when I was in year 11, in the McDonald's away from Pacific Place, towards Wanchai.
I had gotten to know Crystal well during the past few weeks, but I felt that really gave a chance for both of us to dig deep into the ice. It was certainly heartwarming that I had found someone to finally talk to and keep talking to, about life, problems and the whole. When I was in Thailand, I didn't have any friends who did the same, so for me this was certainly special.
Even though I don't like to regret, I do wish that I had gotten to know her better earlier on. It would've been a lot of fun, plus since we both have similar circumstances in some areas, very helpful in many ways.
The cosplay was extremely fun, and it was extremely relaxing to be with someone who enjoyed the same (potentially crazy) thing. I'm going back there, and im'ma gonna do it again! AND this time see if we can beat our 4 hour talk marathon, and hit five or above. Isn't that right Crystal? :)
Happy Birthday to Meeee!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!*looks down at floor*
*sighhhhhhh*
Birthday went by soooooo quietly. Didn't do anything except for sleep and play video games with Pete. Dad sent me a card by e-mail, bluemountain as usual. We did go to eat a Fuji though - although I have to admit that it tastes pretty Thai after my year in Japan. I miss my takoyaki... *cries*
Although Crystal did remember! She's the only friend whom remembered. The picture down there is quite simply amazing as well...
So...
I have now declared everyone else is no longer a friend of the future Ruler of the World!
*glomps Crystal*
Honestly though, you can't imagine how good it feels to have people remember...it's been quite a drab day today, but Crystal, you made it a good one ^_^
i like to learn from (bicycle) mistakes
I just hate it when I repeat the same mistake over and over again. A great example would probably be my crusades with my bicycle.
Remember now that the bicycle is practically a inseperable mode of transportation here in Japan, and that on average, I cover around anywhere between 8 to 20 km a day. Which of course all depends on my mood - I have been know to make late night runs down to 吹田市 (Suita city) just for the sake of it. Well...actually the Book Off there is the other reason...
But I remember several distinct major accidents I've had so far. The first one I was riding back from Ibaraki having stopped by the McCal for shopping. It was in the evening and quite lovely weather, when I suddenly hear a huge rumbling to my right. I turn to look - just to see a motorcyclist starting up his motor and driving out of the road I was just passing. Then I look back, just to see a nice metal pole, sticking out of the ground smiling back at me.
So what do I do? I veer quickly to one side but it's too late. Half the bicycle smashes into the pole, I do a ネコ somersault and land on all fours, while the rest of my bicycle clatters on the floor. The motorcyclist drives away, the pole laughs at me.
Great.
The second major accident was when I riding to - guess where - MyCal again. This time I'm riding on the road, superly confident (having thought I had learned the lessons of the previous encounter.
As cars came along, I decided it was time to actually get on the pavement. I choose a nice opening - except for one catch: it was a high pavement, meaning the ledge between the actual road and the pavement itself is rather...high. So I go in at a low angle almost parallel to the pavement - which isn't enough for the wheels of a bicycle. The bicycle skids and I fly off again, this time looking like a clown without his makeup jumping off a huge seesaw, and land on my knees and a hand.
Wonderful.
And of course, the last major accident I remember is the one involving a drain. You learn after a while that riding on drain covers and anything shiny and metallic is like jumping into the deep end of the pool with an ACME 500 ton weight.
It was raining hard that day, and I was off to go teach over near 阪大. I set off on the bicycle with an old umbrella. By now that bicycle was completely wonky - the steering was off to one side, the back tyres no longer had traction on them and the brakes were funny. But I set off anyway, supremely confident, umbrella in one hand, just to screw up.
Because the steering was bust, it was wet and I only had effective control with one hand, I managed to go to no-man's land: a drain cover.
Where I slipped.
And fell.
And smashed my knee so bad it became a red waterfall.
When I fell, it felt like slow motion from a bad movie. Whilst falling, time slowed down, enough for me to think in utter sarcastic annoyance:
"Not AGAIN!"
So much for learning from past mistakes.
